Inside the crypto zoo: What every beginner should know

If you’ve ever wondered what makes Dogecoin different from Ethereum, or why people spend real money on monkey pictures, this one’s for you.

Let’s take a beginner-friendly tour through the world of cryptocurrencies: the useful, the chaotic, and the downright risky.

First things first: Bitcoin and everything else

Every crypto out there falls into two buckets: Bitcoin, the OG, and everything else, which we call altcoins. But inside that second bucket is a jungle of very different beasts – let’s break them down.

Utility tokens – the ones that actually do stuff

Utility tokens are the fuel of crypto. They’re like arcade tokens – they get you access to something.

Take Ethereum (ETH), the queen of crypto. It powers smart contracts, NFTs, and dApps. Or BNB, which gives you discounts when trading on Binance. Even Filecoin (FIL) lets you rent out your hard drive for crypto.

Pros? They’re useful, tied to real blockchain projects.
Cons? If the project fails, your tokens are toast.

I like to call them the oatmeal of crypto: solid, practical, but not very spicy.

Memecoins – the class clowns

These are your internet-famous pranksters. They don’t do much – except go viral.

Dogecoin started as a joke and now it’s worth billions. Shiba Inu is its remix, and BONK is Solana’s attempt to say “What if we did that too?”

Pros? Fun, cheap, and sometimes lucky.
Cons? No real use, and they crash as fast as they pump.

Memecoins are like lottery tickets – fun for a few bucks, but don’t bet your savings.

NFTs – more than monkey JPEGs

NFTs (non-fungible tokens) prove ownership of digital things – art, music, even real estate.

You’ve heard of Bored Ape Yacht Club and CryptoPunks, but NFTs are also being used for contracts, identity, and real-world assets. They’re your digital deed, not just profile pics.

Pros? Royalties for artists, proof of ownership.
Cons? Most are now worthless – yes, even the shiny ones.

Governance tokens – crypto with a vote

Want to help run a crypto project? That’s what governance tokens are for.

Tokens like UNI (Uniswap) and MKR (Maker) give holders the power to vote on decisions – like changing fees or setting rules for stablecoins.

Pros? You help shape the project – and might earn rewards.
Cons? Big holders (aka whales) can outvote everyone else.

Crypto democracy sounds cool… until it doesn’t.

Stablecoins – the chill cousins

Crypto is volatile. Stablecoins try to stay, well, stable. They’re usually tied to a real-world currency like the dollar.

USDT, USDC, and DAI are the big names. Fast, cheap, and great for global payments.

Pros? Less price drama, more stability.
Cons? They still rely on trust – especially if backed by companies.

Stablecoins are like yoga teachers in the middle of a mosh pit: calm, until something breaks.

Security tokens – crypto plays by the rules

These represent real-world assets – like property or stocks – on the blockchain.

You might own a slice of a skyscraper through a token. They’re regulated, compliant, and yes, a bit boring.

Pros? Real-world value, legal clarity.
Cons? No wild gains, no meme magic.

Think of these as crypto’s necktie-wearing adults.

Exchanges – where the trading happens

There are two main types of exchanges:

Centralized (CEX) – like Binance or Coinbase. Easy to use, great for beginners. But the platform holds your crypto, not you.

Decentralized (DEX) – like Uniswap. No ID checks, and you control your assets. But it’s riskier and more complex.

CEX pros? Simpler, customer support, higher liquidity.
DEX pros? Total control, early access to new tokens.

MJ’s golden rule: never invest more on a DEX than you'd spend on a wild weekend in Vegas.

Security tips – armor up

Crypto can be risky. Some major incidents to learn from:

• Ledger data breach: Customer info leaked.

• Wallet Drainer malware: $500M stolen.

• UFC Instagram hack: Promoted scam tokens.

Stay safe with strong passwords, two-factor authentication, bookmarked sites, and hardware wallets. And always – always – double check token addresses.

No, you can’t turn $1,000 into $1 million overnight

Let me save you some heartache: there’s no magic trick. Anyone promising a 1000x return in a week is selling you a fantasy.

Like any market, building wealth in crypto takes time, learning, and patience.

So stay curious. Ask questions. And remember: just because someone on social media says it’s the next big thing doesn’t mean it is.

Listen to the whole episode in the Crypto Curious podcast.